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April 20 Reverie
So this began life as an e-mail to someone I have just met, as a matter of fact... Imagine THEIR surprise when they open the seemingly innocuous e-mail, expecting to find, "Hello! How are you? How was your evening?" and uncover THIS monstrosity of macabre imagination!
Enjoy!
Reverie.
I'm sitting at my desk, a little bleary-eyed... the memory of the screwdrivers I drank last night is competing with the vague memory of belting out "Five Days in May" by Blue Rodeo to a bar packed with maybe ten people, for sole possession of my sub-conscious... my phone is ringing off the hook, and it's starting to slowly drive me crazy. I'm thinking about how much "stress leave" I could get if I freaked out and tore it out of the wall and threw it across the office... relishing the shocked and horrified looks on the faces of my co-workers... bellowing in triumph as it tumbles end-over-end to smash against the wall, spraying digits and loops of electronic guts everywhere... a faint echo of the phone's last, desperate ring would hang in the air, the only thing breaking the sudden silence that would descend over the be-cubicled nightmare that is my office. I figure it would take three or four of my co-workers to wrestle me to the ground by the time I got to the third phone and they realized what was happening... it's a good fantasy... ;)
...the sounds of "Walking After You" by The Foo Fighters is coming from my computer speakers as my gaze moves slowly to the world outside my office window. The sunlight is almost painful in it's intensity, glinting and sparkling off of the cars in the parking lot... slowly baking in the afternoon sun. I can see lazy heat-waves rising from the roofs... and small buds of green starting to push their way boldly out of the branches, to drink the warm April air. The buds stare bravely into a sky that is utterly without clouds, only a very thin layer of wispy cloud, lightening the startling blue shade of the sky.
My office window faces North, and what must be a major air-traffic lane for Pearson airport sends about ten or fifteen giant, lumbering airliners past my wistful gaze every day. I often catch myself drifting as I wonder just where those people are coming from... Where have they been? What have they seen? What event or urge propelled them to an airport somewhere and had them purchase a ticket to come all the way to Toronto? Or are they just stopping by on the way somewhere TRULY exotic... like Vancouver? Is it a wedding? A birthday? Is someone clutching their last possessions on earth in a cheap carry-on in their lap, hoping to find a better life here? The promise of freedom and opportunity making their heart race against their chest as they consider the future? Or simply a vacation? How barren and cold our home must feel to some... How crowded and loud and sinister to others...
My reverie is torn asunder by the insistent, but politely muted, ringing of the hated instrument of my barbaric fantasy... and my dreams fly from me, as gulls from a gleeful child on a white sandy beach...
Heh. Tell me what you think of my little stream-of-consciousness story... I guess I was in the mood to write something! :) Does that ever happen to you? You're sitting there minding your own business, (or someone else's business, as the case may be, since I don't HAVE a business), when all of the sudden words start piling up in your head, demanding to be written... practically forcing themselves into my fingers and onto the screen.
I feel so used. So cheap and violated. ;) March 19 The Princess and the CandleI've been experimenting with internet dating a little lately, and I have to say it has been interesting... in the end, it's just another way to meet people, right? Well this piece of writing arose from a conversation with someone who asked me to tell her a story... I have a feeling she was looking for a story about ME, so I may have missed the point, as I am wont to do, but a fairly nice piece of writing resulted from my folly, so I can't judge myself too harshly!
Without further ado, I present, The Princess and the Candle...
***************************************************************************************
Once upon a time, there was a castle. In the window of the highest tower, there burned a single candle. In the room behind the candle, there was a beautiful Queen, and her daughter, the princess. As the Queen prepared her little girl for bed, as she liked to do instead of having a servant do it, the tiny Princess asked her mother, "Mama, why do you light the candle every night in the window?"
Her mother looked towards the window, and answered her, "I light the candle because my Mother used to light the candle before me. I asked her the very same question, when I was around your age too, and this is what she told me..."
"She said, 'I light the candle because your father, the king, has ridden off to war, and he asked me to light the candle so he may find his way back to me if he should become lost in the darkness. The moon has risen and set many times since he left, and although I am sure he will not return, the candle will light his way home, even in death'"
At this, the princess said, "But Mama, my father has ridden out as well!"
The Queen closed her eyes and said gently, "I know, my sweet, and now we light the candle for him, and also for your Grandfather, who was king before him... because one day, they will both return to us."
With that, she pulled the covers up and kissed the Princess gently on the forehead and sang a small, sweet lullaby to her... in the words her mother sang to her,
hushaby, and good-night, the worries of today, will melt in the moonlight, which guides you on your way...
When she finished, the Princess appeared to be asleep, so she quietly left the room, closing the door behind her.
After a little while, the princess awoke to hear the sounds of a horse's hooves far below her window. She got up and went to the casement and peered out... she could just make out the faint outline of two men, riding side-by-side, glowing faintly in the moonlight, towards the candle... never seeming to get any closer... until they faded into the mist.
The young Princess took on the task of lighting the candle every night from her mother, and passed it on to her daughter after her... and ever has it been that a single candle burns in the lonely window, at the top of the highest tower... to light the way home through even the darkest of night. January 24 The Heart of Winter...sunlight speaks with warmth
falls upon the deafened ears
of my winter heart
I've been in a haiku mood lately, so expect more to follow!
I went with a good friend of mine (whom I actually MET for the first time last night!) to see Tristan and Isolde last night. Very good movie! I highly recommend it. I had read that Franco (Tristan)'s performance was wooden, but I thought he played it pretty well. The other characters were fantastic, and what a great story! A sappy, doomed love story.
And while I was there, the nation decided to give Mr. Harper a "short leash" attempt to govern. As much as the thought of this soulless, robotic man representing us on the world stage scares me, I think this might just be a good thing for Canada. A chance to get a sampling of something a little different from the Liberals, and they can't push anything TOO radical at us because they don't have a majority. I suppose it was time for a change... but instead of Standing up for Canada, we sort of... "Half-rose-out-of-our-seats" for Canada. Is it just me, or is there something missing behind Harper's eyes when he speaks?
Oh well. The train keeps on a runnin'!
Corner J out. January 16 Would you die for your art?The reason I ask, is that I wrote this next piece while I was driving up the 404. I know it's stupid... I know I probably should have pulled over, or gotten off the highway... but I didn't want to lose the thread. I wanted to get it onto paper before I had a chance to change the words that were flooding into my head...
So I suppose I was willing to risk death on the highway to comply with my inner voice... insane? Foolish? History will decide I suppose. I survived to write it!
I gather my cloak
around me
against the cold
and the storm
of words I didn't say
couldn't say.
I turn as the wind
and the shame
burn my cheeks
bringing tears.
I shuffle through
the frozen grass,
still thick with
remnants of ice
and the pathetic detritus
of everything we left
unspoken
where it fell...
...to my car
and drive into
the sunset of us.
Sunday January 15th 2006 4:58pm January 13 Haiku strike!glory, furious
morning breaks the horizon
day unrelenting
eventually
the sun follows its wide arc
and retreats once more
(by Jorge.)
bows behind the hills
drawing darkness around us
night stirs and awakes January 08 Taking time...So I went for a WALK today! It was such a beautiful sunny day, I decided to venture our and walk to Starbucks to study for the afternoon. Of course, by the time I decided to leave and finally got myself together, it was no longer sunny, and a chill was DEFINITELY descending... but it was a nice walk nonetheless.
I think that not enough people take the time to do that these days. It's amazing how a nice walk can calm you down and allow you to think when things seem hectic and overwhelming. What's even more interesting is that when I walk up my street, it's the street I used to live on back in the DAY... MANY moons ago... so I stroll along and I'm assailed by memories at every turn of my head... I keep expecting to run into the ghost of my younger self... blowing something up, or burning something... :) I think if my younger self met up with me, he'd kick my ass. If not that, he'd certainly have some very pointed questions as to what I've done with his future. "Why are you still living at home?" "Why are you having so much trouble with love? Something so simple?" Ha ha... "What happened to our plan to..." that's just it. There never WAS a plan. At what point did I stray from the path? DID I stray from the path? I don't know... I have the nagging feeling that I did, but I don't even know what path it is I'm supposed to be ON!
Well... I think I would tell him to relax. And that life is just not that simple once you get into the middle parts of it. Things happen... ideas change... women are... women. And I think I'd tell him to keep dreaming... and I am. I think I'd probably also tell him not to take that trip in the summer with his future girlfriend... the one where his car gets wrecked... and I would twist his arm until he PROMISED not to get me into so much damn debt! :) and... I think I might let a couple of lottery numbers slip... but you know... what harm could THAT possibly do?
So as usually happens when I have too much time to myself to think... I have leaned on my emotional crutch. I'm not entirely happy with it... and I wasn't sure if I was going to blog it... but hey... you are on this journey with me, right? Or else you wouldn't be here reading this... playing voyeur to the manic life of a rambling idiot... :) I want to preface this piece with an assurance that I am ok... :) I know how some of you worry when my poetry gets a little dark... everything is fine... keep in mind that this is a hyperbole of my feelings... in other words, I take poetic license with my emotions to allow myself a release. It's blown out of proportion a little. But that's what poetry is supposed to be, non? A flight of fancy rooted in fact? Ah but I digress... now I'm just stalling... without further ado...
how...?
how can I do it?
how can I tell you
how pieces of poetry
fly at my mind
whenever I think of you?
how do I tell you
without the appearance
of desperation
what you mean to me?
How do I look into
the eyes of a lover
and meet the gaze
of a stranger?
I would rather be blind.
How do I reach for you
with arms you've tied
firmly to my sides?
How can I listen to my
traitor's heart
which tells me
to hold you...
against your will?
and ignore the warnings
and scale the fence
and break down the wall
and shout my anguish
and my lonliness?
how?
I told you I would
always
come for you
but there is no dragon
here to save you from...
you have no use for
a hero
and so I wait...
and how I ache...
for I would rather be alone,
than lonely in love.
Sunday January 8th 2006 6:25 pm November 02 Pieces of me, Pieces of You...I want to know you to know what you think, to taste what you love to hear how your own voice sounds to you to see yourself, reflected in the mirrors of my eyes to glance down, into your soul, and find what moves you, and drag it out, and MOVE you... dismantle your every thought deconstruct your every desire but i wonder if, when i am through and every piece of me colours every piece of you can i put us together again? will i know where you end and i begin? where all your pieces go and how i fit in? -for RAN, who storms at my heart yet. Tuesday November 2nd 2005 11:27am
October 11 The end of an introspective journey... and a beginning.So after a lengthy internal debate, I have decided to add my latest piece of work to my online chronicle... Basically, this one just felt a little too "close" for lack of a better term... but hey, I've shared everything ELSE with you, my beautiful bloggers, why not this, eh?
 Here goes...
Ran
moving through the clouds
whiteness whispering past my windows
and through my head
I couldn't see until it was too late
I didn't see the storm in your eyes
and now it's too late
I've fallen into your sky
all I can do now
is spread my arms
close my eyes
and flow with the winds of desire
rising with every touch,
every smile
plummeting with every rejection
you are the Goddess Ran
Goddess of Storms
you will drown me
in the endless pools
of your limitless eyes
and yet...
I soar, oblivious
delighted, entranced
relentlessly
toward you.
-dedicated to my Ran, my Storm Goddess
-Tuesday October 4th 2005
So there it is... it's difficult to write it here for reasons I don't want to get into, but I wanted to share it nonetheless.
Also, as an added bonus, I'm going to throw in a Haiku! Because you acted NOW! :) Ironically this is a Haiku about writing... or is that "paradoxically"? Either way... here you go...
The pen makes a trail
The eyes translate into words
The heart interprets
I wrote this haiku for my wicked-awesome friend Leah in a letter I wrote to her. BY HAND! :) She wrote me one and I was so ridiculously excited to get it... you have no idea... my heart was pounding... I felt like a kid at Christmas! :) So that Haiku is dedicated to Leah, for making me feel that way again, and reminding me what it is to be thought of and loved.
Thank you sweetie.
PS - It's her birthday! Go wish her a happy one! September 13 Apollo waits...Apollo Waits for Sunrise
She is there...
beyond my touch
beyond my sight
beyond the reach
of voice and heart
but one day...
some day...
she will appear
on my horizon
and burn into my sky
like the rising sun
and burn into my soul
like the blood in my veins
and burn into my eyes
until she's all I see
until she draws me closer
and we walk together
our steps together
our hearts together
and we run
as two drops of water
will merge...
and choose one path
and I will see
that everything I've done
and everywhere I've gone
and everywhere I've looked
she was there.
A part of me,
as I am a part of her
and we will drift
across the blue sky
of our lives
together
and set as one into the west...
until then...
until the day
I feel her warmth
feel her soft breath on my neck
feel her eyes cascade,
electric,
down my spine,
I will face east...
eyes straining,
on the horizon
feeling vague...
and obscured...
and incomplete...
Tuesday September 13th 2005 2:24pm August 10 Inspiration strikes... I am a victim of my unrelenting creativity...Phoenix Feathers With Angst as our fuel we will burn for a lifetime smoldering in regret if we are not consumed by the flashfires of our memories. We are created in passion and fire and spend the currency of our lives in single-minded pursuit of passion and fire like moths battering ourselves against the flames fanning them with our wings until we flare and fall spinning sparking until we land, discarded only to rise and brush clean our phoenix feathers and breathe deep the sulfury smell of our next conquest the irresistable lure of the unimaginable heat... again and again... -Dedicated to Drea (Labchick)... her beautiful words inspired me this morning...
-Wednesday August 10th 11:45am July 27 A look, a smile a chance, a kiss...the moon races through the guilty sky chasing the sun taking days from me like an unwilling penance I don't want to pay I don't want to play this game of "wait and see" any more but if I open that door I might be forced to face the light and be happy and once I stand with empty hands and pouring heart, the memory of the depth of your eyes burning like an aftershock in my mind the music still ringing at my ears your kiss, lingering, on my lips like a halo above my head... can I be complete? will I ever be more than this? what secrets have you told me? did I listen? did I understand when you gave me a look, a smile, a chance... a kiss? Wednesday July 27th 2005 4:47pm
-Dedicated to Diana, and our night spent huddled together in the dark while life went on around us for a while...
June 26 I can't see you...already you seem like a dream I had... fuzzy upon waking, i can't see you through all the intentions... assumptions... hesitations... that fly at my face when i think of you... when you think of me... can you see me through the haze of anger... resentment... you have built around yourself like a wall... keeping me out... deleting me... friends is a liquid concept... and it has flowed away from us... not trickling like a babbling brook, but crashing like flood waters... drowning us both... carrying away everything we ever had... leaving rust, neglect and regret. i'm sorry, but i'm not...
*Just a side-note... :) I'm fine! Thank you to all my dear friends who were worrying about me, but remember, this blog and my writing is how I "deal" emotionally with things that are weighing on my mind. I felt better IMMEDIATELY after writing this... :) so thank you all, it's really nice to know that so many people care about me. I guess reading it again it sounds a little depressing... but i assure you that I'm feeling good. I'm on an upswing right now... look out world, 'cause nothing can stop me now! :) June 14 Day Eight - Already? :)So I awoke on the wrong side of the bed this morning... waking up has been a bit of a chore lately, to be honest... I'm sort of having to force myself to bed, and then force myself up! Weird... but whatever, I'm fine during the day, once I'm up! I was a little down this morning... felt like something was missing, and probably a little homesick!! :) I miss you all so terribly! I wish you were all here WITH me! But Manfred has only so much space... and judging by how the hits to my little blog here have sky-rocketed, he would need an airport hangar for you all! :) I am well over 2,500 hits now! Coming to Switzerland was the best thing to have happened to my blog! ;) So, once I shook off my doldrums, it was time to get going... so I'm going to cut right to the chase here, I didn't get to the Museum, OR the church... :) I know, I know... but I wasn't in the mood, and those are REALLY not my kind of things... but hopefully tomorrow. I'll be in town again, and if I can keep from shopping, I'll be ok! Speaking of shopping... anyone who knows me even HALF well will know that I have been known to indulge in a little "retail-therapy" from time-to-time! ;) Well, today was no exception! After purchasing a few gift items, I was drawn into a trendy clothing store... I swear it wasn't on purpose...! But once i was there... I HAD to look around... a little... ok... a LOT. Their idea of change-rooms are not for the faint of heart, or the self-conscious! It's really just a booth with a curtain that hangs down to JUST below my knees... a short girl changing in there would be putting on QUITE a show, I think!! ;) And the girl kept bugging me to come out and show what I was trying on... I think she was just wanting to tell me that it looked great and I should buy everything... but relented in the end... :) Apparently her ex-boyfriend was from Canada, but he had to go back because of something to do with the NHL, he was a hockey player apparently. Interesting. So I picked up a nice sleeveless shirt and a cool offset-zippered RED sweater. After all this, I headed up to ClaraPlatz to pick up something I had my eye on for my lovely daughter from the day before... luckily it was still there! I just hope I got the right size! There are a number of factors working against me in this respect... number one: I am an idiot when it comes to sizing... I never think it looks SMALL enough on the rack... I guess she'll always be my LITTLE girl... ;) Number two - Even if I DID know her size, I would promptly forget... its like blood types and stuff... that's MOTHER-stuff... I'm not hard-wired for it... :) All that done, it was back to Barfusserplatz to relax for the afternoon and wait for Manfred and Martin and go to dinner. I watched the rain and the "human traffic" for a couple of hours... and I wrote a few things... :) Those of you (MIKE) who complain about the poetry on my blog can skip ahead... :) The rest of you, may read on... waching the rain feeling the beat rhythm of the city the human traffic flowing from it's heart if I point my shoes down one road or another where will it lead me? to you? to me? to the end of my journey, or back to the start? The only thing I know for sure... if I move, I'll get wet. Tuesday June 14th 2005 3:50pm Hmmm... this blog is getting long, but I'll pop in another piece I wrote, (there were 4 altogether... inspiring afternoon for me!) It's called "Observations from the Barefoot Plaza" a kiss a simple kiss a glance a complex glance full of threat and promise a smile a dazzling smile a smoke just a smoke and a nod a voice and words I do not know envelope me surround me a kiss, a glance a smile, a smoke a nod, a voice and the rain... Monday June 14th 2005 4:43pm Well, after that we went for dinner at a truly awesome All you can eat mongolian grill. Very interesting concept, you collect everything you want, throw sauce all over it, and they cook it for you and give it back... it was REALLY good! The first dish I had I ate SPRINGBOK! :) Antelope! Now I know how a LION feels! :) Ok, well, off to bed, it's almost 1:00am again, and I'll need PLENTY of sleep not to doze off at those museums tomorrow... this really is my last chance at them... but like I said... I am NOT A GOOD TOURIST! ;) Good night everyone! May 31 And always you...look... look at me... look up into my eyes... what do you see? my hopes? my dreams? my fears? myself? yourself? the eyes are the windows to the soul and you are there in my soul in my heart so in my eyes there should be you, and you and always you... Tuesday May 31st 2005 8:45pm So I'm going to tell you a story... it's a good one... about how my then 7 year old daughter defeated me SOUNDLY in a theological debate... it's embarrassing, but very funny... and humbling. She's a sharp cookie! :) We were driving somewhere, memory escapes me where, and out of the blue (as EVERYTHING children say is, who KNOWS what they are thinking!) she says, "Daddy, who made the earth?" To which I respond, "Well, I don't know! I wasn't there..." (My ex and I have decided to allow her to find her own path to spirituality, we are not going to push her into one religion or another... so I'm always non-committal when it comes to religious questions with her...) So I decide to sort of play it safe... and say i wasn't there, so I'm not sure... which is pretty much what I think! So she says, "Hmmm... did GOD make the Earth?" and I say, "Well, some people believe that, yes..." and she says, "Hmmmm... what do YOU think?" ... I am a little at a loss, because I honestly don't really KNOW what I think... so I stick to my original answer... "I think that what people want to believe is up to them, but I wasn't here to SEE the world being made, so it's hard for me to believe that it was God..." She goes quiet for a few minutes... and then says, "Daddy, who made those buildings?"- pointing to a warehouse, ironically, one where I used to work nights in a freezer... I say, "Well, those were built by people, with cranes and machinery!" (Here is solid ground at last!) and she says... "Well... did you SEE the people build the buildings?" ...................... i had no response...... So there you have it... Kid's really DO say the darndest things... and if we are open-minded enough as adults to listen, they have lessons for even the so-called wisest of us... :) Every time I feel like my ego is getting out of hand, I remind myself that I was beaten in a spiritual debate by a seven year old child... and reminded of the true meaning of the word "faith"... it's not just a religious term... I'm not a religious person, but I do have faith. Everyone does... or you wouldn't believe that the sun will come up tomorrow, or that you will take your next breath...
Yeah... she's going to be trouble when she gets older... May 29 Sleepwalking...Bright days filled with sun and happy souls sparkle like stars in a twilight sky and as darkness falls a mantle of silence, peacefulness my thoughts find you hiding peering shyly at me from the corners of my mind... Our sleeping brains are as active in the deeps of sleep as when we walk the waking paths and so I know you so well for we have made hours and days and lives together as if awake, in my dreams and when the day comes that our paths are one, we will be well met, for you, you are no stranger to me than my own shadow. Saturday May 28th 2005 8:25pm I wrote this piece while dusk settled on the impatient steel masses at the drive-in... the suns last rays glinting off the rows of cars, their occupants restless... i could almost feel their energy, electric... excited... The drive-in is not as much fun alone... I only made it through one movie, "The Longest Yard". Not oscar material by a LONG shot, but an amusing diversion nonetheless. I have the rare gift to be able to lose myself in almost any movie... there ARE a few exceptions. (Agent Cody Banks 2... ergh.) But the drive-in experience is one that is best when shared... preferrably with someone who is snuggle-worthy! :D I did enjoy it though, I am not the type of person to worry what people will think if I go to a movie or the drive-in by myself... life is too short to deny yourself the pleasures you want for reasons so proud and pitiful... That being said, look what came of it! A piece that I am rather proud of. I had to struggle a bit to give this one a voice... it got fiddly with "thoughts" and "mind" and "brain"... and truth be told, I'm still not completely happy with that bit... feels a little clumsy, but the piece stands, and I have no right to mess with it now that I have given it life. Well, UBER-BUSY day tomorrow, so it's time to walk the paths of night through my moonlit dreams... sleep well my fellow bloggers, wheresoever you shall lay your heads. May 26 I know this...I know this I know you I recognise the landscape of this love. were we not here together to share this touch... this taste... this breath...? were you not in my arms with time falling slowly around us like snow? were you not before me when I opened my eyes the first time and held you there fast in my gaze while our hearts melted the slowly forming ice and puddled our losts and unhappies at our feet and spread our lives before us? happy and complete. Thursday May 26th 2005 1:40am
I wrote this in a fit of insomnia on Wednesday night... sleep is really something I don't do much anymore... and I don't care! :) I don't feel like I'm suffering for it, I'm not tired, and I'm certainly not groggy during the day... so oh well! I am just enjoying the extra productivity! Think how much more you could get done if evolution hadn't hard-wired us to require sleep? One theory I enjoyed in University stated that the reason we need sleep is because we did not develop the ability to see in the dark like our predators did. I think we may be safely past the time when a big nasty toothed beasty is going to pop out of the bushes and eat us... perhaps it's time to reverse that particular evolutionary trait... I find it highly inconvenient... :) I can understand cat-napping... they do it after all, but they don't sleep 8 hours a night, that's for sure... if they lived in the wild, they'd spend most of their time hunting. As should we. Grrrrrrrowl! Just a thought!
May 23 Footfalls in the Darkness...The steady beat of my heart like footfalls in the darkness. I walk without light without direction until you bring back the sun and shine into every corner of my soul Sunday May 22 2005 12:04pm
So my parents' big, bad guard dog is DEATHLY afraid of fireworks... so this is not exactly a POPULAR weekend with him... :) He has spent most of it hiding miserably outside my bedroom door in the basement. He's a border collie though, and apparently they are bred to be docile and submissive during loud noises like fireworks, or the first big thunderstorm, they would go nuts and eat all the sheep they were supposed to be herding... and since WE also don't want to be eaten in our own homes, I suppose I am thankful for this carefully planned piece of evolutionary behaviour. Yes, being attacked by a vicious dog every time there was a thunderstorm or fireworks would make long weekends a little more exciting, but not in a GOOD way... :) I'm sure you're thinking, "Awwww... poor dog, why don't you let him into your room?" well, I thought the same thing a couple times and gave him a FEW chances, actually... but there is nothing like waking up to him STANDING on my bed over top of me PANTING RIGHT IN MY FACE. I am a light sleeper to begin with... but THAT was ridiculous... so it's OUT he goes! I had an awesome long weekend! I made no real plans after Friday, and everything fell together nicely... hung out with friends... had a good time... probably spent too much money... but hey! You can't take it with you right? What's the use if you can't enjoy it?! Jess got me listening to a song called "Hide and Seek" by a singer named Imogen Heap, which was played apparently at the finale of the OC... a show which I have never seen, but I am now RIDICULOUSLY hooked on this song... check it out if you can. It's haunting, and I rather like the lyrics... "ransom notes keep falling out your mouth"... anyone who has ever been in a relationship that is going sour should be able to relate that to the times that you threaten each other with leaving... very striking. Well... that's it for me! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too, and it's back to the GRIND tomorrow! (Well for a couple weeks and then I'm leaving this stinkin' country!) May 22 Riding the rails...Time turns my head roughly forces my gaze back along the path that I have travelled to come here to you scenes flash, fluid flowing past, stills of scenery outside the windows of a rushing train, hurtling to the end of the line and I, unwilling passenger trying to guide it's passage with futile hopes and desperate dreams. Sunday May 22 2005 10:30am
It's nice to finally get this piece out of my head and onto paper! It's been bouncing around inside my head and torturing me for the past week or so. It all came from the "scenes outside the windows of a train" part... it's funny I never feel like I'm actually writing, it feels more like channeling... bizarre I know, but soemtimes I'll finish something and then look at it and think... "Wow! Where did that come from?" but the more I read, the more sense it makes, I recognise the landscape of my own soul in the words... If you haven't already, check out the pictures from the "Interference 2 year" party, more to come, in my pics section... what a great night! MY best friend Max was spinning in the MAIN ROOM of the club! I'm so incredibly proud of him... :) I used to sit and watch him spin on the decks he had set up in his bedroom... it was hilarious... he BARELY had space for his bed, but here's a HUGE table with two decks and a mixer and effects box... and soundproofing all up and down one wall... :) He has a true talent for music... and it will take him far! Jessa Messa! :) I wish there was a way that MSN would alert you when someone leaves comments, as I almost missed the ones you left there! :) So it's spanish you want now eh? el amor es un carrusel y pronto tendremos nuestra vuelta! One day soon we will walk the path together... May 19 I have rediscovered my muse! At last!you have unlocked the singer's soul in me you have unchained the poet's dream in me you have unleashed the free spirit in me and they will bear us both away upon a dream of filtered sunlight and digital whispers and soft music Thursday May 19th 2005 1:22pm My writing has ever been an elusive animal at best... it seems I have recaptured my muse! Now there is no stopping it, like a howling gale, the little ideas and snippets of lines careen through my mind clamoring to be put to paper! Times like these it's all I can do to keep up... and I try desperately because I am terrified of losing one of these... but strangely I can't make notes... and I am unable to discuss these little specks before they blossom into a poem, as they will dissipate and vanish... When i write, it's usually ALL at one go... I can't leave a piece unfinished either, there's no going back... when I start one, I have to finish, or it is lost. I NEVER change a piece after it is written. It's just an idiosynchrasy of mine... obviously, when I read poetry I have written long ago, I usually react with disgust, and desire to "fix" everything I see with it... but I restrain myself... It would be untrue to the work. I try to tell myself that I was obviously in a different place then, and wanted to present the work within the context of what I was experiencing at the time. Well, enjoy! I am really enjoying the journey that I'm on now... and the nice thing is that my muse is with me! May 18 A small wonder... a tiny miracle!I have no illusions left the hands of time have swept away the curtains in my mind and revealed to me a world beyond my reckoning. Sleep will take me before my first hestant steps outside.
Tuesday May 17th 2005 9:49am
Oh happy day! My best friend has had a baby! (Well his wife... I have to admit... I was very emotionally unsure about the whole thing... I don't think it was a conscious decision, but I put off going to see them until yesterday just before they left the hospital... It is difficult to watch the last few vestiges of my youth slip away... I am deleriously happy for him and for his wife, but at the same time, I feel sadness... weird. It's not like we hang out a lot these days, or I'm sad because I've lost a "drinking buddy" or anything... just another step on the journey... it pains me that we walk apart now. I find myself longing for the endless summers spent in the pool, or on our bikes... or just lying around with not a care in the world... isn't it funny how we put on rose-coloured glasses looking back? I'm sure I wasn't completely care-free in my youth, but those cares have faded with the passing of time... as my current cares will also pass... and I will remember THIS time as care-free and happy... time is a wheel.
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Benjamin Joseph began his journey on Sunday May 15th at 12:30 in the
afternoon! Being male, and not accustomed to the usual baby-questions... I have no idea how much he weighs, and neither do I understand why this information is relelvant! |
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